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Valentine's Day, 2001

Lady First Love,

Hundreds of nights have passed and I remain inmobile, in the exact spot where our love flourished. I look at the clock, wondering where you might be. Although this is a situation that has repeated itself infinite times, I still don't know what it is I feel. Is it boredom? Lonelyness? Depression? Or a combination of the three? I just don't know. All I know is that I must convince my eyes, my body, and my mind to sleep. I sleep my sadness and confusion away.

When I wake up, the first thing my mind utters is, "I made it!" Whether the sun is out or not, it does not matter. I'm glad that the night is gone, and the day has come. Once more I go to the place where you and I met, and sure enough, you're there. You say hi to me in a soft tone. Thunderous beats are emitted from my heart. I regain strength and I respond... "hi". I try to sound as indiferent as possible. I attempt to hide the fact that the night before there was a man calling your name and you never came. Because you and I spent endless hours together, I fail in my attempt to hide my feelings. You realize that I'm not feeling well. Going further you may trap the question that roams my mind: "where have you been, my love?"

The question eventually vanishes. My face of indefference transforms into the emblem of spiritual satisfaction. My mind and heart are at ease. Your adorable ways have that effect in me. My old-self takes over and I start offering you my heart the way I did when you and I were in love with one another. Because our minds agreed to separate against the will of our hearts, your vulnerability surfaces. My words still carry value, cashed at the bank that is your heart. You smile when I tell you that you are still the one, the woman for me. I add that I can say that without the most diminutive doubt for I've been with numerous women and my heart has not been cured. Your smile disappears. I meant to hand you a flower, but it's my bad luck that my flowers bear a thorny stem.

I am not dissuaded. We continue talking and it yields results. Once more you allow my words to mold a smile on your precious face. A smile that transcends the laws of nature and is implanted on my own face. At that moment, I want to throw myself against the wall that separates us and bring it down. Once it's down, I want to re-enter your world and hold you. Hold you the way you and I held one another in our momments of happiness, without regards to where we are and who surrounds us. Become lost in your arms and feel an abysm where the minutes, the hours, and the days do not exist.

I'm about to kiss you... I'm interrupted by your voice, abruptly killing my illusion, telling me that you have to go. I'm brought back to my harsh reality. You've silenced your heart and have listened to your conscience. You've decided to go away because you're tempted to sin. After all, another man owns your heart, I merely caress it for scarce instants. I make no attempt to stop you. You walk away without looking back. Were your feet to betray you, you'd be engulfed by my oceanic tears...

Still Under Your Spell,
Fidencio Quiterio

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Tony Rich Project (Nobody Knows)

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